Boo!

I know, it's been a while. Sorry.

But I have happy things to share now!

Where do I start? Well, I spent last week in Paris! It was amazing, the perfect holiday really. The hotel was amazing, in a fantastic location (we had a small balcony that had a view of the Eiffel Tower!) so clean, and the room was sooo comfortable. I really would've been hard pushed to ask for more!

We did a lot while we were there, not as much as we'd hoped cos we were both pretty manky with the cold, but still... It was wonderful.

Best of all though, I got to catch up with Lis, who I haven't had the chance to properly catch up with in years. It was so lovely to wander in Paris, chat, stop for coffee and croissants and just generally relax with someone so dear to me. It really did just make my holiday.

I'm so sorry I can't fill you in on more just now but I really do have to go blow my nose now. I am so choked, my head feels like it's full of cotton wool!

I will post properly soon, with photos (but the edited version...I was more than a little snap-happy...don't know why the first dozen of the Eiffel Tower from the balcony were not enough...or the second...)

Betcha can't wait!

Jxx

I am seriously bummed at the moment. I just can't seem to shake it. It's a horrible feeling.

I have my OHSAS (Occupational Health and Safety Advisory Service) appointment tomorrow. Just a wee interview with an independent doctor, a person I have never met before, that will essentially decide whether or not I get to keep my job. I am totally shitting myself about it. How do I manage to persuade this person that I am fit enough to do my job, if I can't even convince the people at work, the people who see me regularly?

I can't go through this again. I don't know what to do. This all feels like deja vu. Except it really has happened before. What if the report gives them the ammo they need to get rid of me? I'm putting everything I have into being there. Into getting to work every day. I'm putting up with my shitty boss who couldn't give a toss about what I'm going through, and I'm doing my absolute best to care about a place and environment that doesn't care about anyone in it, but where is that getting me? Nowhere, that's where. Except maybe the benefits office.

* * *

Can anyone answer me this...when is enough, enough?

How do you know when you have to get out? And I'm not talking about work.

* * *

I'm sorry. Just ignore me. I'm just trying to let off steam.

Shhhh...

If you have any yet-to-be dispelled preconceived ideas about community libraries, then take a look at this...

But please, if you read the comments after the article, don't judge the rest of Edinburgh by that (mainly) moronic lot. It should go without saying that I'm all for freedom of speech, it's just that the ways in which some people use that freedom sometimes disappoints me. I'm sure I'm not alone. And I don't profess to be anything other than mediocre at spelling, but if you are going to use the word ignorant, at least check how to spell it first! Comments 43 and 78 are worth a look though.

Of course, you realise that as dutiful libraries employee I am in no way commenting on the current state of affairs as documented in this article.

Jxx

Hello again

Sorry, I know it's been quite a while since I popped in to say hello.

I don't want this blog to be miserable. I'd like it to be fun, and happy, showing off the best of me. So that's why I've not been about.

Apart from anything else I am a sneezing, coughing, snottery wonder at the moment. Yup, it's not a pretty sight. Normally I'm pretty hardcore about getting a wee cold. I got the flu a few years ago, and ever since then anything has been water of a duck's back! When I say flu I mean proper full-on not getting out bed for two weeks, barely showering, let alone washing my hair type episode. Nice images huh? I even missed my step-grandfather's funeral I was so ill. This might be a case of TMI but my throat was so sore, it even hurt to go to the loo. Figure that one out!

Anyway, after all that I've had very little time for people who say they have the flu. If they're are still standing, they don't have the flu. A really bad cold maybe, but not the flu. Don't get me started.

And now I have a cold. Not even a really bad one at that. I'm just achy, sneezy etc and generally get knackered after lifting a shoe! but I'm sorry girls, I'm wallowing. I have had enough. I got all my chores (and that's all the chores in the flat, work for more than just me I'd have thought...) done on Saturday (after getting in from work I might add, unlike others who hadn't been at work and shall remain nameless for the time being), in a mini-whirlwind of activity before collapsing in a wheezy-sneezy blob on the sofa. I pretty much haven't moved except to bathe, feed myself and hang-up some washing. I'm not proud of myself though.

I've tried to rationalise my behaviour by thinking of work. I've had my stage 3 absence review. I now have an Occupational Health interview and a meeting with the second-most senior of high-heid-yins in Libraries separating me from unemployment. I'm trying to be philosophical about it, it might just be the kick up the ass I need to get me out there and doing something I actually love, but to be honest, I'm slightly cacking myself about it all. I've already been "let-go" of once because of my mental health (or lack thereof!) and I can't say I'm ready for it to happen again.

Sorry, I digress. The point is, I can't really afford any time off at the moment, so doesn't it make sense to look after myself now, indulge my achyness with hot baths and hot chocolate before I have to go back to work tomorrow?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I mean, other people might think it had something to do with how bad things feel between me and B. The "talks" we've had to have recently, and how I don't know what to do anymore. But not me. I've got my story and I'm sticking to it.


Jxx



PS On an altogether lighter note... has anyone seen the new autotrader advert...d'you not think the jingle sounds like the theme tune to the Flumps? Or is it supposed to and I'm just missing the point?

Fame at last?

I don't know whether to be delighted or disgusted...

New Look has a new range of t-shirts out. You may have seen them already. I hate shopping for clothes so I haven't been in in a long time, and these came as a bit of a surprise.













I hadn't realised news of my wee blog had spread so far...

D is for decisive...or dilemma?

So, moving on with my A to Z adventures, I find myself at D.

My initial impression is that D should be quite a good one because there are soooooo many words beginning with D, but since I have never been the most decisive of people, D has become more of a dilemma than a delight!

is for... disco dancing?
depraved debauchery?
diagnostic dissection?
dealing with difficult duffers? (Something I have to do as a daily duty anyway!)
dangerous driving?
delightful discourse?
diligent displays of devotion?
drama-queenery?
devouring delectable drinks? (Perhaps my favourite! but I digress...)

None of these appear to hit the spot.

So once again, ladies and gentlemen I need help. I know most of you are aware of this, but this is a different kind of help I need. Would you be so kind as to offer suggestions (or directions if you will,) in order to deliver me from this deplorable and distressing difficulty?

Girls Night Out

I have a lovely evening planned for tonight.

I'm meeting a couple of friends from work, and a girl we used to work with, for a bite to eat and a couple of drinks. We're meeting in a nice bar in town, that I know, plays good music, has good food, and even has parking nearby (yup, I'm wimping out due to the snowstormy type weather we're having and taking the car in.)

But I have to admit, I am getting more and more nervous, to the point of feeling nauseous. Now, all I can think of is how much I'd rather just stay home.

I feel like the back end of a bus. I look horrendous in all of my clothes. Like a veritable moo. My friends are all petite and skinny. I know I'm tall anyway, but just now I feel like Hagrid. Sorry for the Harry Potter reference.

I really need to be heading off about now but I just feel so dreadful. I feel like I won't fit in, like I'll have nothing to say and I'll look totally out of place. Urgh.

I know when I get there I'll probably have a great time...it'll be lovely to see my friends again, but still...

Och, I just need to pull myself together, stop being so wet and get on with it. This is ridiculous.

Wish me luck.
Jxx